The end is always just another beginning

Summer is upon us.  My last day of teaching is tomorrow so it's almost official.  Evenings will now be filled with bike riding, ice cream eating and swinging.  It's the end of something, the school year, but also just the beginning. 

Drive slowly when you see this kid on his bike.  That expression on his face?  He wears that all the time while on two wheels.  Watch out world. 

She 'graduates' from kindergarten on Friday and I'm in shock. 

Swim team and t-ball have started.  She's toothy and gangly and appropriately sassy at times.  I want to bottle this age.  Six.  It's the age I remember when memories really fully formed. 

These two remind me so much of V and myself.  They like simple pleasures. 

I tried to get a good shot of him and this is what he gave me.  So be it. 

Dance Mania

The spring dance recital.  Mia waits all winter for this and practiced every week with her dance mates to perfect their number to Prince Ali from Alladin.  Sitting in the big dark theater waiting for the dancers to scurry onto the stage is always exciting.  At one point, V reached up to wave to Mia during her number.  I whispered over to him to remind him that the theater was dark and that Mia wouldn't be able to see him.  But, to prove me wrong, our tiny dancer reached her arm up and waved right back to her daddy.  When I turned to see V, I saw he had tears in his eyes.  He mouthed to me, "I just love her so much."  Now, he'll deny this whole story and tell you he just had dust in his eye.  I know the truth though. 

Besties.  I love to see friendship in action. 

Such a great crew of kids. 

Mia was so excited to be able to wear make up.  I let her put it on so it's heavy!   

The blush staining her cheeks, her dark lips, the wacky lavendar eye shadow.....I just love the freedom children feel in expressing themselves and experimenting. 

Clutching her post performance bouquet, which she loved. 

We're proud of you Mia!

Luca's Birthday Party

These pictures are late but I guess that's better than never.  To celebrate the little man turning 4, we had some friends and family over for a pizza dinner after going to Jump Street.  Luca has been waiting to turn 4 so he can go into the foam/ball pit at Jump Street.  Every time we would drive by, he would ask how many days until he turned four. 

This was it - the big moment.  Luca had been waiting to swing on the rope into the foam for over a year, when he was first introduced to Jump Street. 

Another activity checked off of his list. 

Trampolines are the best thing to burn off extra energy. 

And boy does this kid have energry. 

Cupcakes provided by the darling Flour Gal herself, cousin Lyla.  Luca chose cookies and cream and chocolate with chocolate frosting. 

I love this shot with Noah in the background photo bombing the girls. 

The wish.  My favorite part. 

My heart breaks a bit when I see this picture.  Parenting this boy is tough stuff but I know when I see his beaming face, a hint of a chocolate mustache, and a blooming spirit, V and I are doing a pretty good job.   

Luca's crown from school getting some wear time from Bij. 

Because Luca's b-day party was a week before his actual birthday, he lucked out and got to celebrate again on his real day.  V took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese as a surprise and look who greeted Luca when they arrived.  He was thrilled. 

We then went to our favorite burger joint and Luca got to blow out another candle on a chocolate chip cookie.  This was the birthday that just kept on giving. 

Some great iphone shots

V takes Mia to school every day, with Luca in tow three days a week.  They walk or bike rain or shine.  Other parents have commented.  "Wow.  V is dedicated.  We ALWAYS see your family walking."  I throw in that the guy hates driving and is from upstate New York, where the word "nice" in reference to weather refers to anything above 32 degrees.  This shot was taken just as they headed out one morning. 

She is slathered in old makeup I gave her while posing with a skateboard.  I am in love!!!  A makeup wearing skateboarder.  Is anything cooler?  We stop in to my favorite wine shop (a bit too frequently I'm sorry to say) and this last visit Mia confidently told Meg, our beloved wine seller, that she doesn't like princesses anymore and that she LOVES skateboarding.  Meg and I gave each other a thumbs up behind Mia's back.   

I adore our mailman.  He is the most patient and kind man.  Luca likes to wait for our goods, which are usually just bills.  Oy vey. 

This talented creature danced in her spring recital.  More on that in another post. I just love this shot though taken with my phone. 

My heart is in Colorado

How I love raising these Colorado kids. 

Days are long and years are short.  That I know to be true.  I also know that I love an endless blue sky, a couple of great trails, and two kids to tag along on adventures. 

Pre and Post Haircut

I adore this kid's hair long.  But it gets to the point that I find myself pulling it into a little pony tail and he whines when I have to comb out the tangles in the morning.  Time for a summer cut. 

 

 

Come to think about it, he's pretty darn cute with a short cut too.  Bijou's haircut is up next. 

My Wild

Preface:  I didn't come up with this idea, this title.  I found a lovely collection of photos of children entitled, "You are My Wild" not too long ago online.  The pictures were gorgeous - raw and candid moments submitted by caregivers the world over.  Of course, as the nature of finding things online goes, I don't know where I found it or who published the collection.  But the title of the montage grabbed me.  And stuck.  I can't get those four words out of my mind when I consider my littlest babe.  My Luca.  So here goes....my letter to Luca on his fourth birthday.

Luca,

You....you are my wild. 

You are four years old today.  A whopping four.  A beautiful and breathtaking number four.  It goes without saying that when I consider your age, of course the day you came to me quickly flashes in my mind.  The quick and easy delivery.  The tiny bundle of awesomeness that you were.  The ease to which I claimed you mine.  The ease to which you claimed me to be yours.  Even the nurses commented on how seamlessly this all came to be.  How calm you were, and how calm I was too. "My heart is aflutter though" I assured them as the two of us sat, quietly, on the narrow white bed.  They asked me to please keep you in your bassinet but I kept you cuddled next to me, naked and pink.  My laptop perched on my bent knees, and you, tucked underneath the tent I had created.  I liked you near me. 

Because you, you were my wild.  My wildest of happiness in a time when motherhood was really truly the only thing that I felt might suit me best.  Those wild moments of certainty that told me I had indeed embarked on a journey I definitely wanted to be on.  While Mia's infancy assured me that I could do this, this mothering thing, with you....I didn't need assurance.  I was confident.   

You grew and grew and eventually hit this time that some refer to as "terrible", but I remember as much worse.  I say this Luca with all the love in my heart, that your twos were something awful, because I'm sure mine were too.  As well as most people who walk the planet.  You were normal - your rage and fury.  Your anger at not being bigger and better.  I can tell you though now, honestly, that it was a tough go.  I cried sometimes.  I would turn away and bend my head like some kind of weeping plant and hide the fact that I was struggling.  Mothering became something I had to hurdle.  It became something I had to work at, work toward, work for.  I knew it was worth it.  But it was difficult. 

Because you, you were my wild.  My wildest of confusion and sorrow when motherhood was really truly the only thing that confounded me.  Those wild moments of sadness when I was consumed with the notion that maybe this journey was a road I couldn't navigate to save my life.

You grew out of that intolerable spell and hit this lovely and sweet spot of being three.  Your gorgeous hair feathered over your eyes most of this year and you often would tell me that you loved me and that I was pretty.  You learned to ride a two wheeler and swim a lap.  You learned to write your name.  You learned to ski.  You learned to communicate using vocabulary far beyond your years, but with the most enchanting inability to say the letter "f" or most consonant clusters.  Sure, we still had our moments, because being Taurans - born only hours apart from one another (hours and years, of course) - we are sure to clash horns.  But, for the most part, this year has been easy with you.  Enjoyable.  So full of life.  It's busy and chaotic.  Loud.  Full of strange noises and sassy talk at times. Disrespectful words at times.  But endearing, and warm too. 

Because you, you are my wild.  My wildest of contentment when motherhood began to meld into my other roles in life and become a beautiful melody rather than the glaring instrumental solo.  Those wild moments when I felt comfortable crying at times or bursting with happiness at others.  Those wild moments when I could confidently declare that I was a woman, who just happened to be a mom....rather than the other way around. 

Luca Lane, I can't tell you the profound impact you've had on my life.  People often say it is their first child who changed their worlds so drastically, and surely, those first timers do.  Mia came to our home and rocketed us into a parallel universe of responsibility and love.  But you also have left this impression on us that is indelible.  Unique.  So totally yours.  You challenge me and push me.  Soften me and warm me.  Ask me and question me.  Beg me and ignore me.  Love me. 

But most importantly, Luca... 

You accept me.   All of me.  And for everything that is challenging, I am so eternally grateful for that. 

Because you, Luca, you are my wild.  My wildest of emotions - both high and low - during this incredible time of mothering and living - choosing and forgoing, forging forward and stepping back.  You have given me my wild moments of certainty, sadness, and contentment.  You have given me direction beyond mothering but also kept me tethered to the two tiny beings that give me the most sense of purpose. 

On your fourth birthday, I wish you nothing more than MORE.  More monkey bars and dangling.  More swimming and biking.  More skiing.  More loving and arguing.  More challenging and questioning. 

You, my four year old Luca...

you are my wild.