Just another Tuesday morning



V took this picture while I was at work.  I cherish the photos V takes when I'm not here.  It's like V is leaving me a little gift to find when I'm downloading photos. 

Big Boy Beds

Luca is in a big boy bed.  Just like that. It seems these big milestones in life all of a sudden happen and you suddenly can't recall life before but still feel somewhat shocked by the new normal. 
Beds are a big deal around here.  We take our sleep pretty seriously.  We often pile, all five us (don't forget Bijou), into a bed to read or talk.  We have some of our best bonding moments while reclining. Ask V to tell you about the time he found me in bed with a cutting board chopping veggies for a salad.  "What the hell is going on in here?"  he asked.  Understandably.  I just couldn't explain why on that winter day several years ago, I needed to be back in my bed, surrounded by my books and my things, while I prepped for dinner.  There is something about that womb in each of our rooms - that nest - that calls to us.  Sure, most of you don't chop stuff in bed but to each her own. 

I ordered the mattress for Luca and knew I had a few days to prep for the big delivery.  I went shopping for his down comforter.  Pillows.  Sheets.  The works.  An excuse to rethink an area!  A creative expression!  A project! (I love projects!)  I marched into the shop and tried to explain my aesthetic to the clerk. 

So, think farmy meets modern.   Traditional with a kick.  Also anything kind of vintage.  Muted.  But, I'm also getting a bit bolder.  Brighter.  Maybe some funky pattern?  Oh and my boy likes trucks.  Dump trucks and farm loaders to be specific.  He likes trains.  All locomotives really.  Animals too. And the room will be used for my mother in law when she visits.  My 80 year old Italian mother in law with lots of allergies and aversions to all kinds of fabrics.  You got anything like that?  A section you can point me to?

That section doesn't exist.  But it was such an exercise in unearthing my style in trying to find where those items would be neatly stacked up with one another. 

I stuck to basics (adding some funk with his Euro pillow covers) and everyone seems happy.  Especially my boy.  He giggles everytime we crawl in and pats the bed next to him.  I asked V if it was possible that I'm falling in love with Luca all over again now.  Because of this transition. He reminded me that I'm the lady who once prepped a salad in bed so anything is possible. 

But, could nesting in this new space with Luca have tightened our bond?  I do believe so.  He fell asleep last night as I laid next to him and I pet his downy hair.  He had already quietly whispered, "Out Mama" but I had begged for just another minute.  Because the space was now a space that was big enough for me. 

He hopped into his bed happily tonight and I shut out the lights.  The kids and I had already read in Mia's room so I told Luca that I wouldn't get into his bed tonight too.  I explained that we had already done our stories.  He seemed to understand and he kissed me good night.  As I was down here finishing up some work, I thought I heard his door open but I didn't think anything of it.  About 30 minutes later, I made my way upstairs and saw his small little body wearing his mismatched pajamas (he likes his trucks top with his firetruck bottoms...it's a way to wear as many things on wheels as possible...I'm totally on board with his logic) laying in the hall with his eyes shut, his fist gripped around three light socket plugs.  "Luca" I whispered.  "What are you doing?"  I took the light socket plugs from him and he said - I love this - "Oh hi Mom", like we were running into each other at the store.  "What's up?"  I asked.  "I want to read with you" he said.  "In my bed.  About farm loaders." 

So, the rest is history.  I melted.  And crawled back into his big boy bed and read about those great big machines.  I held his hand and fiddled with his fingers as I made the noises those trucks make and simulated their jerky movements with my arms.  I silently sent out my gratitude for tiny boys and those beds that they move into, because I feel like it is in that space, with those crisp white sheets and funky Euro pillows covers, that Luca and I are finding a newness to our relationship.  I'm no longer only the lady who chases him to wipe his nose and begs him to sit on the potty one more time, I'm also the kindred spirit who can share things in the dark hours of night.  I'm the woman who can answer hard questions and even ask them myself in that safe spot. 

Luca, here is to many more nights of stories.  Many more ruminations on the day as we are snuggled under the covers.  And maybe even some food prep with you up there too.

Harvest Festival

Nana invited us to a harvest festival near her house and we brought Ottilia with us.  Here is Nana, leading the way with the girls.  Gorgeous day.  Fun outside activity.  Yes please. 

This is real my friends.  I always complain at the grocery store that some pieces of produce just seem too big.  Even the organic stuff.  This pumpkin shames the large produce I used to complain about!  These pumpkins were entered into a contest and I didn't hear what the winning pumpkin weighed. 

The girls.  This was just another day in paradise for four year olds and a two year old.  Ponies.  Bouncy House.  Cheetos. And a day with Nana after the festival.  They thought they were pretty cool.   

The petting zoo was sweet.  Of course, I always feel slightly conflicted because I worry about all of the noise, the tiny hands rubbing and petting, the chaos.  I fear that our little furry friends are scared.  I kept whispering to Mia and Luca to speak quietly.  Approach animals respectfully.  Mia is a pretty good little animal handler.  Luca too actually.  When I hoisted him over the small fence and let him pet this bunny, he pushed it's plastic food bowl right over to him.  It was a bit rough, but the sentiment was so genuine.  Thoughtful little bugger that one. 

Funny how he was most intrigued with the chickens and the miniature horse.  He kept squatting eye level with these chickens and just starring.  I wonder what he was thinking as he kept saying, "Awww...." like you would to a newborn.  Was he taken by their sweetness?  Or was he sad at the wire cage?  He's got a face like mine at times.  Hard to read.  I like that about him. 

Tiny BFFs.  This mini is three years old and lives on a big farm with lots of acreage to run and play.  All the animals do actually.  They just come out every once in a while for visits like this one.  So, I felt less guilty about all the toddler pets and hair pulls.  These animals can at least go home to a rambling ol' barn and enjoy a good meal in silence. 

His first pony ride.  And, as a former rider, this kid was pretty impressive!  No fear.  Maybe God has given me two future riders in my life and we can all ride off into our old age as a family.  V can ride double with me. 

Ottilia showing her skills.  She loved the ride!

And Mia.  She loved it and loved that the horse was "fancy" with ribbons adorning her bridle. 

Our awesome Nana and Ottilia.  Nana is the best at seeking out joyful moments and then really memorializing them.  The kids were melting down and I suggested getting hot dogs for a quick lunch.  Mom said, "Why pay for it when we don't have to?" so we went back to her house where she served sandwiches cut into the shapes of pumpkins with some special fall themed cookies.  She then presented the kids with painted pumpkins. 

There was a very cool little straw maze that proved to be the perfect amount of challenge for the short set.  Not too hard, but not too easy. 

The girls navigated their way through the course and then went back in again.  So cute to watch them take lefts and then back track with rights.  It's a lot like life, I wanted to shout over the stacked bales of hay. But I thought better of it.  And instead just offered cheetos when they made their way out again.  Because on some days, don't you just wish it were that easy?

Luca's First Day of School!

Little Luca started school today!  He's going to a Parent's Day Out one morning a week.  So, that gives V an hour and thirty minutes kid free in the morning, and me an hour and thirty minutes kid free in the afternoon on this one day a week.  He hit the gym and I hit a yoga class.  A nice little getaway but we were both close to our cell phones during our break!
When I picked him up, he was all smiles.  He pointed out the trucks and some of the other toys he played with.  The teacher said, "Did you leave Doggy at home?  Luca told us all about him.  He's white and blue?  And he sleeps with him?"   I was floored that Luca relayed all of that about his best stuffed friend.  Next week, Doggy will be enrolled in the class.  He's been officially invited. 

Practicing with Luca's new lunchbox last week.  He can open and close it all by himself.  Even Mia declared him to be "so ready for school!"

V took this shot this a.m. before drop off for both kids.  Breaks my heart and makes me endlessly happy at the same time.  Today, I was trying to explain to my students what the word "proud" means.  I'll show this picture to them tomorrow.  Pretty much sums it up. 

Luca's solo shot by the front door.  I think these are mandatory for kids on the first day of school.  Correct?  I'm not expert in this parenting business but I do think I read that somewhere in the handbook.  And can someone please tell me when my small baby grew to be a tall little boy?? 

Luca

Seriously.  How can I be mad at this face?  This kid has spunk in spades, but he also has a pretty enchanting little grin. 

A few more wedding shots

These were taken by Rach at Lil's wedding.  Hilarious.  I'm telling you; I haven't danced like this since....ever probably.  It was a BLAST. 

Why do YOU read?

I was over at my mom's today for a lovely morning with the kids.  We chatted while Mia and Luca played and my mom handed over an essay she had written in response to a magazine question.  The question was, "What does reading mean to you?"  I sat on the guest bed in her upstairs bedroom and read intently, with the pen she had given me to edit poised and at the ready.  I was so drawn to her history - of books, self, and discovery, that the pen fell to the bedspread as tears came to my eyes.  Books have shaped her life, transformed her, created her.  I was moved beyond words, which is rare for me.
The experience of reading her essay was so powerful because I know, deep in my heart, that readers are created on the laps of those that read to them.  I had a flashback.  Her soft voice, reading to me as dusk enveloped my childhood home.  That voice, that modeling, led me to the place I am today.  I remember, vividly, cuddling up on her bed as she read White Fang to me after I complained that I just couldn't get into it.  I was in 6th grade, I think, and she patted the mattress and said, "Then just listen. I'll read it to you."  There I was, a big child.  A tween.  And she stroked my hair and read - line after line - the whole thing.  I remember that story so well.  It has always been a favorite of mine.  To this day. 

So why do I read?  I asked myself this as I drove home later this morning.  I read to lose myself, to escape my own reality.  I read to help define it too.  I read to tap into pain that maybe I've never felt before, and I read to help ease the pain that I know intimately.  I read to quell loneliness and, at the same time, to sometimes just be alone.  I read to create new friends, new enemies, and new theories.  I read to feel more alive, and to also quiet my racing heart and feel less so.  I guess I'm a paradoxical reader.  But I would argue that we all are. 

My mom said that through this writing exercise, she realized the profound influence her own mother had on her literary self.  The self that bloomed and thrived among library shelves.  You can read that in my mother's words in her essay below; you can see my grandmother nurturing that young mind, lovingly spoon feeding it rich text.   And I too, in my reflection on my reading history, discovered that there is a brave and beautiful woman at the helm of my ship made of characters and settings, events and plots.  It's my mother.  For that gift, of literacy, of love, I am eternally grateful.  Thank you Mom. 

Here is her essay.....

I can see the library shelf in my mind even now. Biographies were on the bottom rack of the children’s section in the library in Milwaukee, Wisconsin on North Avenue near Lisbon. It was 1951 and I was nine almost ten. My mother had finally allowed me to walk the mile to the library by myself. She didn’t drive. I will never forget the thrill of that walk and discovering the joy of my life, reading.

The books in the biography series were all in orange covers and arranged alphabetically. Jane Adams was the first. She was an aware and influential woman who started the Chicago Community Center, Hull House. I LOVED the book, and years later became a social worker partly because of that book and her beliefs. At home my mother put all the books she thought were too “adult” for me on the top of our bookshelf. I got a stepstool and stretched carefully to get GONE WITH THE WIND down to read. She found out when I was about halfway through and reluctantly allowed me to finish it. Thanks, Mom. It was great. I saw “damn” in print even though I never heard it at home.

I loved reading from the moment I first learned about Dick, Jane, Sally and Spot. I was reprimanded for not coming to the dinner table on time, and would walk slowly while holding a book to my face. I was told I couldn’t read at the table so I would carefully place a bookmark to mark my page and eat quickly. I used to read late at night and my mother would invariably discover me under the covers with a flashlight so the light wouldn’t be seen from under my door. She was a kindred spirit as she would say, “Stop at the end of this chapter, Ellen”.

Through my wonderful book club which I have enjoyed for 25 years I have read all types and varieties of the written word I might not have chosen for myself, but am so glad that I have read. We call ourselves “Ladies of the Club” like the famous book by Helen Santmyer that took her 50 years to write. When we started in the late 1980’s we all had teenagers, and through the years we have shared our joys such as our children’s marriages and grandchildren, our hardships of personal illnesses and those of our spouses, and sorrow over the deaths of a spouse and one of our own dear members.

What I really know about reading is that it has sustained me, entertained me, lifted my soul, broadened me, and it has become my best friend. I plan books to take on vacation before buying a new outfit. I don’t even have to go on vacation…I can read about it and transport myself, quite the benefit in these economic times!

Camping with M and L

We set up a tent in the basement the other day to "camp", which loosely translated to freebasing marshmallows (without the graham crackers and chocolate), telling spooky stories with a flashlight, and hauling every single toy we own into a very teeny tiny space.  We might need some time to hone our skills before we take a trip in which we actually have to pack in to a site!

Happy day to you dear V!

It's V's special day and while he's working this afternoon, the kids and I set up the house with decorations and are waiting for him to get home for dinner.  I asked V what he wanted to do tonight.  I was thinking drinks someplace cool.  Maybe I'd wear the heels that kill my feet.  You know - an adults only kind of a night.  V sheepishly said, "You know what I really want?  I want to get burgers with you and the kids.  Is that o.k.?" 

It's why I love the guy.  He is so totally unassuming and just loves good eats, good times, and good company.  Glad the kids and I make the short list for tonight's celebration.  We love you V!

(Side note:  After some thought, V and I arranged for our friends to come over to our house after our family dinner to put the kids down to bed so we can indeed have an adults only drink out on the town!  Watch out Denver!)

Even our little neighbor got in on the birthday action today, leaving V a letter in our mailbox. 

Mia's homemade sign that she kept in a cupboard all week.  She'd pull it out and add new drawings and pictures to it when she felt inspired.  She chose the front door to hang it, so "everyone can see it." 

Cupcakes.  Really - truly and deeply - my favorite part of birthdays. 

More Maine

Man I love having a great friend who is a professional photographer.  These are some of Rachel's, of Rachel Olsen Photography, photos from our incredible weekend in Maine.  I didn't include any of the wedding because I want you to see the tremendous shots all together.  It really is a sight to behold.  Wait a week or so and then check out her site, www.rachelolsenphotography.com

V shared a story after the wedding about said wedding photographer.  There was a moment, during the reception, where Lil, the bride, was dancing in a circle with her sister, her two nieces, and her father.  It was a moment that warmed everyone's heart.  V said he thought, "Oh wow.  I need to find Rachel.  I need to show her this!"  He turned around and there was Rach, 7 months pregnant, standing on a chair balanced over this incredible moment, with her camera ever so perfectly cocked against her eye.  She was there, quite literally above the scene, capturing it all with her amazing lens.  He thought, "Wow....that's some pretty incredible photography skills!" 

Rach called today and we talked for about an hour, about all of the beautiful details at the wedding.  About how much we've all grown since the time we all met.  About the small dorm in Boulder that housed our oh so insecure 18 year old hearts so many years ago.  We talked about how that wedding tent - pumped full of energy, hope, sweat, and humidity - was just the most perfect place for us all to celebrate.  We danced like only white people at a wedding can dance.  And it was pretty damn sensational. 

Flips!

The kids are flipping off of every surface in the house.  They set up elaborate shows which involve all kinds of heart racing stunts.  (I usually just hold my breath and hope an ER visit isn't on the agenda for that day.)  Mia is now doing scissor kicks and all kinds of cool tricks off of the diving board.  I told her I was on the diving team in high school and she was thrilled!  Now, I have to sharpen my skills if I want to get up there with her next year.  Nothing like having kids to keep you young. 

Farmer's Market

We hit the Farmer's Market today with our awesome friends Amy and Maddie.  I love the feeling of checking out the stands, being in the sun, walking around with all the people meandering through their morning. 

Donning more t-shirts from Mom and Dad.  Luca put his on and then when Mia saw him in his shirt, she ran up and changed.  I suggested we each pick a piece of fruit for snack at the market, but then we saw a chocolate dipped macaroon.  We went for the macaroon. 

The kids love to throw pennies into the fountain.  Here is Mia, taking aim and getting ready to make her wish. 

Saw this and smiled....thinking of my own kids.  Double the fun.  Double the exhaustion.  Double the love. 

And Ms. Maddie.  She's primed and ready to be throwing pennies soon too.