Pink Uggs Anyone?

Today was the first snow of the season. Of course, in true Colorado fashion, the sun is now blazing. It is still really chilly though. I, like the 200 year old homebody that I am, shrieked with delight when I woke up and saw the snow. Now I had a reason to bust out the crock pot and put on my big sweater that is neither attractive or new. V always laughs. I truly do think that in a former life, I must have been quite old - or an invalid who couldn't leave her home. There is a part of me that loves to be cozy and in my own surroundings. A huge part of me.

I'm posting some photos of Mia in her new winter digs. Now I have another reason to like winter. Not only do I get to wear winter clothes, I get to dress another little lady too.

Love Song

I took Mia to her music class this morning and it was another positive experience. I look forward to it all week. There is something about the camaraderie of people there that makes me feel warm. I love all of the songs we sing too. We don't sing typical children's songs; we sing old folk songs, old harvest songs, and a few songs in Spanish - old farm tunes. Of course, historically, they are kid's songs. You know me...a sucker for anything from the past.

Today, the little 14 month old boy sitting next to us kept crawling into my lap. He shrieked when his dad would try to pull him back onto his own lap. This happened enough times that the dad finally said, "I'm sorry! He must like you." I told him that I do, indeed, look like a babysitter. I think my ponytail no make-up Saturday morning look comforted the little guy and made me somewhat of a novelty. I called Emily to tell her the story on the drive home and she corrected me telling me that the boy liked me because I have a symmetrical face. Apparently, you're well liked if you are symmetrical. I kind of like the theory that I look like a babysitter, because it makes me feel young.

We sang a few songs that made me think of my dad, which is always such a good thing. One song inparticular "The Riddle Song," was sung at the end of class. The teacher dimmed the lights and sang in a mournful, soulful voice....

"I gave my love a cherry
That had no stone
I gave my love a chicken
That had no bone
I told my love a story
That had no end
I gave my love a baby
With no crying.

How can there be a cherry
That has no stone?
And how can there be a chicken
That has no bone?
And how can there be a story
That has no end?
And how can there be a baby
With no crying?

A cherry when it's blooming
It has no stone
A chicken when in the shell
It has no bone
The story of how I love you
It has no end
A baby when it's sleeping
It's not crying.

I just think it's such a beautiful sentiment - a man giving his love an easy life. No stones, no bones, no endings, no crying. The middle stanza questions this, asking how can you give these things that don't exist? A cherry with no stone. A chicken with no bone. And he explains in the last few lines - there are moments of ease that do exist. Moments with no stones, no bones, and no crying. Those are the moments that he is giving his love. The line, "The story of how I love you, it has no end" made my throat tight when she sang it. We all know logically that all stories have an end. But, a good love story has no end. I thought of my parents and all the ease they brought into each other's lives. I was reminded that their story has no end. It made me smile and ache at the same time.

The Yearling

Dearest Mia,

Happy birthday sweet girl! This past year with you has been a series of moments that I've tried hard to burn into my memory. I've savored every last second with you, almost in fear that it would somehow all disappear. Alas, it hasn't. And it won't.

Having you has taught me to stop and breathe. Your presence has taught me to laugh more. Love harder. Live softer, gentler. You've deepened my relationship with my soul mate, your daddy. You've deepened my relationship with my family, my friends, and maybe most importantly, with myself. So on this day, we celebrate you and everything you've brought to our lives.

I have so many wishes for you but perhaps the one that rises above the rest is this: I wish that you will always know that you are so indescribably loved by us. No matter where you go, who you become, or what you do....we will be with you.

Walk This Way

A big shout out to the Nana for giving Mia a walker! She LOVES it. I'm sure she would have been operating upright a long time ago had V and I just gone out to buy her this toy! She cruises along happily until a wall gets in her way, damn those walls. Also a big shout out to the Nana for being simply the best. Your help yesterday with the big birthday bash was fabulous. What would we do without you? Well, Mia wouldn't be walking without you and I probably wouldn't be either! We heart Nana.

The Birthday - Round 4

The BIrthday - Round 3

The Birthday - Round 2

The Birthday!

Mia's first birthday party was this morning. A success all around I think. She invited only her closest and dearest to the festivities. It was sweet and intimate. She was oblivious, obviously. She ate her first cupcake and seemed to like it although she gave very little reaction. Mia is still a bit overwhelmed in social situations. She is simply reserved, which is actually such a gentle quality. It makes me feel even more toward her, because it reminds me so much of myself. I remember being shy as a kid. I once told my mom that she impressed me so much because she could just talk to anyone. I always thought it was so cool that my mom could start chatting with another mom, without having ever met that mom. As a child, I would have never done that. Of course, you grow out of your shyness, at least most people do. I learned that I need to fend for myself. I learned to speak up when I don't like something, or when I do. I learned that my voice is the only one that will be heard in affairs having to do with yours truly. I learned to use it. Mia will too. As Emily said the other day, love is in the details. I painstakingly laid out each cupcake and packed each goody bag because I do indeed love this little one year old. Happy birthday dear Mia. Daddy and I can't even begin to think of life without you.

A nightcap with Bijou

I'm a picture posting machine. I've been a slacker this past month with photos so I'm trying to make up for it now. I'm too tired to write anything tonight, so these pics of my girls will have to suffice.

When Bijou isn't in her dog bed....

Mia is.

What? You don't read naked?

TGIF

Tis Friday and how I love Fridays. I told a coworker today that we should feel really lucky to have jobs and be working. She looked at me quizzically and I explained that my mom says that working Monday through Friday is actually a good thing because then Saturday and Sunday feel like well deserved pockets of goodness at the end of every single week. I don't think I convinced her but that logic speaks loudly to me. Sleeping in wouldn't feel as good if you did it everyday. Lounging and listening to music while V cooks eggs with Mia squawking and pulling things out of the cupboard would be routine if it occurred every morning. Now, it's like a unexpected moment of pure bliss each weekend, even though it rolls around every week.

This weekend's plans are mellow - just the way I like to roll these days. Mia has her music class tomorrow morning. She loves it. The first day she was more interested in the screws of the old radiator in the corner. V whispered to me that maybe we should have signed her up for a Home Depot class. I looked around at all of the other kids sitting happily on a parent's lap, clapping and rocking. Mia was underneath the windowsill, hanging from the rattly old metal heater, closely studying the screws and bolts. She has since morphed into a musical genius from that day though. As I mentioned in my last post, she harmonizes with me at night when I put her down. I will sing softly, in my God awful soprano, and she joins in with me, in her equally awful pitch. Of course, she isn't singing words, which makes it even funnier. She is just making the noise. We happily sing and hum until we feel ready to move into silence.

V and I plan to go on a run too. Running and fall weather go hand in hand. It'll feel good to get outside.

Today was a good day at work - productive, but a long one. I'm ready to grab my US magazine and get in the tub. TGIF indeed.

Forever

A day passed. And then two. Two became a week. One week suddenly became three weeks. Then it was a month. With each passing day I wondered if I still had it in me. Could I still write? If I created a moment of space to write, what would actually come pouring out? Would it be funny? Would it be sappy? Then I got nervous. Sweaty palms kind of nervous. I would walk by the laptop thinking, maybe now is my moment. Alas, those moments would pass, and as it turns out, they weren't mine. Funny how some time away from writing regularly can really make a girl insecure.

I'm back though.

I'm not guaranteeing any regularity here; I'm just claiming that for this block of time, I'm all yours. Or you're all mine. Whatever the case may be.

I feel like I have so much to catch you up on. September was this crazy blur of a month that sped by so fast my ears are still ringing with the sound of it. Mia laughing and harmonizing with me at night as I hum her to sleep. My nephew and nieces giggling as balloons flew over my dad's grave. Champagne being opened. Friends talking quietly into the night as the thin mountain air settled around our adorable cabin. My youngest Spanish speaking students whispering to each other in their lovely breathy language as I held their hands down the hall. Commenting on the actual events - putting my sweet baby girl to bed every night, a family reunion celebrating my parents' 40th wedding anniversary, a weekend away in the mountains with friends, and work - feels so inadequate. It's those sounds though that still vibrate in me even though the month has passed. It's the sounds that I'll remember.

I read "I'll Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch last night to Mia. I've known the book for years. It's always pulled a bit at my soul. How can it not? Last night though, I had no idea how I would be impacted. The book is about a mother who sings to her boy every night through all of the various stages of his life. As I sang the verse that appears on every page, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, My baby you'll be" I began to get teary. As I rocked Mia, it was the obvious that was squeezing my heart. Here I was, with my baby girl, knowing that these days are fleeting. That one day, like the month of September, I'll just remember the sound of the rocker and her breath. The last page shows the boy, all grown up, cradling his mother who is too old and weak to sing to him anymore. He is sitting in a rocker while singing to her, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my mommy you'll be." I just collapsed and sobbed. It was the sounds in my memory that made me go weak. I could hear my dad calling me Meggie and telling me to lighten up. I could hear him breathing. I could even hear him eating popcorn. We all think it goes too quickly. That life is this whirling gust of activity that leaves everyone in its wake breathless and windblown. Look deeper though. Meaningful moments never fade. Interactions with depth remain deep. Sounds linger. That's why I think I just fell apart reading that last verse...."As long as I'm living, my dearest loved one you'll be."